Hold onto your wigs, guess who’s back?

─── ・ 。゚☆: . . :☆゚. ───

Hello, Hello, Hello, it’s been a while.

I wanted to first start out by saying that yes, I realize my exit from this community was a bang rather than a whimper and if you are still looking for an apology for what I, a trans person, was saying to and about a transphobic booktuber in June you will not be receiving one. My very existence was torn down and I was told that I shouldn’t exist and was not real, and an apology is supposed to be truthful. If I apologized it would be a lie and that I won’t do.

Secondly, I will not apologize for calling out people that harassed me even if they’re part of the same demographic as I, the thing people outside of the black community fail to realize is that the Black Book Community is not a unified front, and Blackness is not a monolith. I am not friends with every Black person in this community nor do I like them and I won’t apologize for having them blocked either. I will fight tooth and nail for Black authors and creators but I will not sit by and let them harass me, please remember you only know what people show you on the timeline and even then personal bias is at play.

─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───

Now, I took a step back from twitter because there was so much anger and hurt to sift through for me towards the end and I know in turn I was just adding to the clusterfuck that can be Book Twitter. My health was declining and I was hospitalized 3 times in the past couple of months and being present on social media just wasn’t a priority. I was never open about my disabilities because I had already been scrutinized for “not supporting people with disabilities” and being ableist and didn’t want to be another bitch making an excuse. So I removed myself to deal with the negativity I was breeding and to heal as well, there are some things I cannot get over though.

I was constantly and consistently attacked in all facets of who I was, people accepted me being misgendered, people attacked my mental health, people would flat out lie and a majority of people believed it. Why? Because everyone has assumptions about who I am but that could be said about anyone in the community. Time and time again I was belittled and had my opinions demeaned simply because I was deemed an “angry black woman”.

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The mistreatment in the community was something I felt I deserved for such a long time but looking back I realized that no one else was treated with the same vitriol and continued malice I was. I can definitely apologize for the inane and immature things I’ve said to people and I do, but I cannot and will not ever apologize to this community. It took a national protest for a Black life in order for people to even consider giving Black Creators space to be Black and celebrate that Blackness and the support has slowly started dying off.

Twitter was my first outlet I had to talk about books, then my blog, then YouTube. I miss the accessibility (for myself personally) of talking about books on twitter. This was never a space I made to gain a following, or to be an influencer. It just happened and people demanded more of me than I was willing to give, people demanded that I change and become palatable for the masses that never gave me any respect in the first place. Please know that while I’m here I was never here for you in the first place, and I wasn’t here for you in the end. If you have anything negative to say that’s fine, but I guarantee you it will only reflect on you in the end.

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I look forward to continuing to uplift Black literature as a whole with people that are open and willing to be here. If you have any ill-intent being here or are expecting a drama filled show you may as well leave now, my peace is sacred and I will be curating even more heavily than before. I hope you’re all doing as well as you can be during this time.

─── ・ 。゚☆: . . :☆゚. ───

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